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Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)

2024-05-19 · 74 min · 35 entities

episode page audio

Asserted relationships

  • 0.77
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://amazon.com/Radical-Candor-Kick-Ass-Without-Humanity/dp/1250103509
  • 0.77
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://amazon.com/15-Commitments-Conscious-Leadership-Sustainable-ebook/dp/B00R3MHWUE
  • → references Facilitation Training Program person
    0.77
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://gsb.stanford.edu/experience/learning/leadership/interpersonal-dynamics/facilitation-training-program/intro-tgroup
  • → hosted by Lenny Rachitsky person
    0.55
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed author/publisher: Lenny Rachitsky
  • → discusses Technology company
    0.40
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed category: Technology
  • → discusses Business concept
    0.40
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed category: Business
  • → discusses Entrepreneurship concept
    0.40
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed category: Entrepreneurship
  • → references penname.co website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://penname.co/
  • → references leadersintech.org website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://leadersintech.org/
  • → references @Kberger website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://threads.net/@kberger
  • → references kberger.com website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://kberger.com/
  • → references ifs-institute.com company
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://ifs-institute.com/
  • → references Therapy Worksheet person
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/dbt-dear-man
  • → references Dialectical Behavior Therapy Dbt person
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22838-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt
  • → references wimbledon.com website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://wimbledon.com/
  • → references Wenshan Baozhong person
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://redblossomtea.com/products/wenshan-baozhong?variant=31629962820
  • → references teafromtaiwan.com website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://teafromtaiwan.com/

Entities found in this episode

websites 12

  • mentioned penname.co website
    0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://penname.co/
  • mentioned leadersintech.org website
    0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://leadersintech.org/
  • mentioned @Kberger website
    0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://threads.net/@kberger
  • mentioned kberger.com website
    0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://kberger.com/
  • mentioned wimbledon.com website
    0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://wimbledon.com/
  • mentioned teafromtaiwan.com website
    0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://teafromtaiwan.com/
  • references penname.co website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://penname.co/
  • references leadersintech.org website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://leadersintech.org/
  • references @Kberger website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://threads.net/@kberger
  • references kberger.com website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://kberger.com/
  • references wimbledon.com website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://wimbledon.com/
  • references teafromtaiwan.com website
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://teafromtaiwan.com/

persons 10

  • 0.90
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://gsb.stanford.edu/experience/learning/leadership/interpersonal-dynamics/facilitation-training-program/intro-tgroup
  • references Facilitation Training Program person
    0.77
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://gsb.stanford.edu/experience/learning/leadership/interpersonal-dynamics/facilitation-training-program/intro-tgroup
  • mentioned Lenny Rachitsky person
    0.70
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed author/publisher: Lenny Rachitsky
  • hosted by Lenny Rachitsky person
    0.55
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed author/publisher: Lenny Rachitsky
  • mentioned Therapy Worksheet person
    0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/dbt-dear-man
  • 0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22838-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt
  • mentioned Wenshan Baozhong person
    0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://redblossomtea.com/products/wenshan-baozhong?variant=31629962820
  • references Therapy Worksheet person
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/dbt-dear-man
  • 0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22838-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt
  • references Wenshan Baozhong person
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://redblossomtea.com/products/wenshan-baozhong?variant=31629962820

concepts 5

  • mentioned Business concept
    0.50
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed category: Business
  • mentioned Entrepreneurship concept
    0.50
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed category: Entrepreneurship
  • 0.42
    evidence rules-v4
    Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)
  • discusses Business concept
    0.40
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed category: Business
  • discusses Entrepreneurship concept
    0.40
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed category: Entrepreneurship

books 4

  • 0.90
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://amazon.com/Radical-Candor-Kick-Ass-Without-Humanity/dp/1250103509
  • 0.90
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://amazon.com/15-Commitments-Conscious-Leadership-Sustainable-ebook/dp/B00R3MHWUE
  • 0.77
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://amazon.com/Radical-Candor-Kick-Ass-Without-Humanity/dp/1250103509
  • 0.77
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://amazon.com/15-Commitments-Conscious-Leadership-Sustainable-ebook/dp/B00R3MHWUE

companys 4

  • mentioned Technology company
    0.50
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed category: Technology
  • mentioned ifs-institute.com company
    0.45
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://ifs-institute.com/
  • discusses Technology company
    0.40
    evidence rules-v4
    Feed category: Technology
  • references ifs-institute.com company
    0.38
    evidence rules-v4
    Link in episode "Why not asking for what you want is holding you back | Kenneth Berger (exec coach, first PM at Slack)": https://ifs-institute.com/
Episode description as stored
Kenneth Berger coaches startup leaders on how to prevent burnout, advocate for their desired lifestyle, and make a meaningful impact on the world. He’s spent more than 20 years in the tech industry, is a former founder backed by top investors, and was the first product manager at Slack. Kenneth’s core mission is to help startup leaders change the world by learning to ask for what they want, living with integrity, and building genuine relationships even with the people they find most challenging. Currently he is writing a book, Ask for What You Want , in which he aims to share his actionable strategies for creating change in the world. In our conversation, we explore: • Why asking for what you want is so impactful • Three steps to effectively ask for what you want • Challenges that arise when people struggle to ask for what they want • Why hearing “no” is a normal part of the process • The “dream behind the complaint” technique for uncovering desires • Kenneth’s experience of being fired three times from Slack • How embracing fear and discomfort is key to getting what you want • Why discipline is overrated — Brought to you by: • Sidebar —Accelerate your career by surrounding yourself with extraordinary peers • Webflow —The web experience platform • Vanta —Automate compliance. Simplify security — Find the transcript at: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/ask-for-what-you-want-kenneth-berger — Where to find Kenneth Berger: • X: https://twitter.com/kberger • Threads: https://www.threads.net/@kberger • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/kberger/ • Website: https://kberger.com/ — Where to find Lenny: • Newsletter: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com • X: https://twitter.com/lennysan • LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lennyrachitsky/ — In this episode, we cover: (00:00) Kenneth’s background (04:31) The importance of asking for what you want (06:36) Challenges that arise when people struggle to ask for what they want (08:09) A personal example of failing to ask for what you want (09:17) Signs this is a skill you need to work on (10:49) How to get better at knowing what you want (15:28) Why hearing “no” is a normal part of the process (17:29) Getting a “yes” vs. a “hell yes” (19:20) Step 1: Articulate what you want (24:07) Doing an integrity check (26:56) Step 2: Ask for what you want intentionally (30:45) Understanding your influence (34:48) Using complaints as inspiration (36:24) Internal family systems (38:00) Giving feedback (41:24) Step 3: Accept the response (45:22) Kenneth’s experience of being fired three times from Slack (57:30) Advice on being the first PM at a company or startup (01:04:58) Contrarian corner: anti-discipline (01:05:52) Lightning round — Referenced: • Joining as the first product manager: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/joining-as-the-first-product-manager • Internal Family Systems: https://ifs-institute.com/ • How to build deeper, more robust relationships | Carole Robin (Stanford GSB professor, “Touchy Feely”): https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/build-robust-relationships-carole-robin • Leaders in Tech: https://leadersintech.org/ • The Three Realities Framework | The 15% Rule | Feedback Guidelines: https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/build-robust-relationships-carole-robin • T-group weekends at Stanford: https://www.gsb.stanford.edu/experience/learning/leadership/interpersonal-dynamics/facilitation-training-program/intro-tgroup • DBT skill DEAR MAN: https://www.therapistaid.com/therapy-worksheet/dbt-dear-man • Dialectical behavior therapy (DBT): https://my.clevelandclinic.org/health/treatments/22838-dialectical-behavior-therapy-dbt • Vision, conviction, and hype: How to build 0 to 1 inside a company | Mihika Kapoor (Product at Figma): https://www.lennysnewsletter.com/p/vision-conviction-hype-mihika-kapoor • Stewart Butterfield on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/butterfield/ • How to fire people with grace, work through fear, and nurture innovation | Matt Mochary (CEO coach): https://www.lennysne