03: The Hidden Cost of Sobriety

What if the thing creating distance in your relationship is also protecting you from getting closer? As Kristien and Stijn return to the conversation about alcohol, Dr. Pavini begins asking a different question: what role is alcohol actually playing between them? For Stijn, drinking has become increasingly compulsive and mentally consuming. For Kristien, watching and worrying about it has become almost impossible to turn off. Then Kristien shares something that changes the shape of the conversation. When she and Stijn first fell in love, she was using marijuana almost every day. He drank, she smoked, and together they could spend hours talking, laughing, and feeling connected. Her eventual sobriety brought freedom, but it also changed something they once shared. As the session unfolds, the conversation moves beyond drinking itself into vulnerability, shame, caretaking, and what happens when one partner starts changing while the other is still finding their way. And in one tender exchange, Stijn is invited to consider something he rarely allows himself to see: the healing impact his love has had on Kristien. What Begins to Surface When a shared habit becomes part of how a couple bonds The difference between caring for a partner and caretaking them What sobriety can change inside a relationship How shame can make it difficult to receive something good about yourself The loop between monitoring, hiding, and growing disconnection This podcast focuses on relationship dynamics and is not intended to provide addiction treatment. If you or someone you love is struggling from the impact of untreated substance abuse, please seek support from qualified professionals who specialize in addiction. If something major in your relationship needs to shift, Book a Free Clarity Call with Dr. Pavini at https://pavini.as.me/ to find out what's possible. On our call, we'll get clear on: What's actually happening right now What you're longing for instead Whether working together is the right fit One or two things you can start doing differently right now You'll leave with clarity and a concrete next step. About the Host: Dr. Pavini Moray is a somatic coach and Relational Life Therapy practitioner with a PhD in Somatic Psychology. For more than 15 years, Pavini has worked with couples navigating relationship crisis, intimacy challenges, rupture, and repair. Their approach blends Relational Life Therapy, somatic work, and trauma-informed care to help couples understand the deeper patterns shaping how they connect, communicate, and love. https://www.pavinimoray.com/ Musical Attribution: Original podcast music composed by Luke Djordjevic Thanks for listening! Thanks so much for listening to our podcast! If you enjoyed this episode and think that others could benefit from listening, please share it using the social media buttons on this page. Do you have some feedback or questions about this episode? Leave a comment in the section below! Subscribe to the podcast If you would like to get automatic updates of new podcast episodes, you can follow the podcast on Apple Podcasts or your favorite podcast app. Leave us an Apple Podcasts review Ratings and reviews from our listeners are extremely valuable to us and greatly appreciated. They help our podcast rank higher on Apple Podcasts, which exposes our show to more awesome listeners like you. If you are enjoying the show, please leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.